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Samantha Burns, Licensed Counselor and Dating Coach, shares with Bustle via email, "Remember that your date needs to fit comfortably into your life.
Instead of getting caught up in wanting to be desired, take a mental step back and ask yourself if you even like the person sitting across from you.
While a lot of people have daydreams about finding their very own Tom Hanks or Meg Ryan in the rom-com that is the dating world, if you come in expecting cartoon hearts to hit your eyes with every date you have, things are going to be a little rocky for you.
And that's not because it's impossible to find love — it's because that's way too much pressure! For example, you meet a handsome stranger at a cool bar you've been dying to try, and you get to listen to stories as you nibble away on appetizers.
"Have a plan, have back up plans, and have alternate plans.
Depending on how well you and your date get along, you will want to have the ability to upgrade or downgrade your date at any time," Gray offered.
If you’re too caught up in seeking validation, you’re likely to be disingenuous and create a superficial connection." So instead of putting on a perfect persona, cut the stress out and enjoy their stories and share some of your own. Ever get the notion that a date feels too intense and you just want to press the "BAIL" button?
If you get wigged out easily with new strangers, try not to sit face to face.
In the early stages, talk to more than one person at a time so that you don't dwell on one person too much, and read into messages unnecessarily," Lester advises.Enjoying a nice glass of wine to soothe down first date jitters is totally fine, but if you're a big ball of stress before every "nice to meet you" then it's time to change some things.There are ways to make dating fun, not stressful, and they all revolve on your mindset going in.If you get nervous easily prior to a date, meet up with a friend for drinks beforehand so they can remind you how amazing you are to hang out with."Have a quick drink with a mate before the date so you relax, and act more like your normal self.
The key point here is that you do it during the beginning stages, not when things turn ~exclusive.~ That way you won't feel the urge to rush things or become obssessive.